chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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