so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we should paint friendship bongs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
