You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
