Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
