dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
