I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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