We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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