3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
