like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A bitchslap is in order.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
