tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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