Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
