He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
