why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
