I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
