Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
