Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
