I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
