I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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