True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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