Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
