i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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