The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
