I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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