he was CRYING into my vagina
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
