I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
