no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
