I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
