I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
