i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
