at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
