Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize