So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
