Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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