Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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