so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
