he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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