My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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