apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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