I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
