yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
