what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
