someone get that fucking seahorse.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
