I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
