Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
