Screwed.edu
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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