I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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