I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
