i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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