Your mouth is God's brothel.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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