I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
4 words: hood of his car
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
