the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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