I murdered the dance floor call the cops
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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