I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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