the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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