Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
