All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
