What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
