We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you traded sex for a burrito?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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