hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
